Friday, March 13, 2009

I want to be a greeter

When I become financially independent or unemployed due to incompetence, I want to take a job for a day at Wal-Mart. As a greeter. I think I would be good at this because I would help people out as they came through the door.

For instance when an overweight person walked through the door I would say:

“We have dresses on sale in the extra extra large department, was you aware of that? There's a sale on fried chicken and Ho-Ho's too. And don't forget to pick up your free 3 liter bottle of diet coke when you buy a 12 pack of giant cinnamon rolls.”


“Hello friendly white trash family, welcome to Wal-mart. Two for one on wife beater t-shirts. Busch beer is on sale. Don't bother going down that aisle. Theres nothing there but toothpaste, shampoo, and soap. Nothing you're going to use.”

Or maybe I'll just lay on the beach. Probably live longer fighting sun cancer.


  1. You are a natural! You'd make Sam Walton proud.

  2. Then my life would be complete. :)

  3. This is priceless. Though I should warn you that greeters have to meet at least one of the following criteria:
    1. Be lobotomized
    2. Be an overly chatty 90 year-old/
    3. Be too stupid to do anything else in the store (Which has to be pretty stupid).