Sometimes Alcohol is the answer.
No, I said. They're like buses.
Later when I came home my wife was standing in front of the mirror. God, I look old, fat and ugly, she said to me. Pay me a compliment, dear. I really need it right now.
I said well, there is nothing wrong with your eyesight. Thats when I remembered how temperamental she was. She's 50% temper and 50% mental.
Seriously though Theresa says I should try to lose some weight. She said I should have sex five times a week to burn off some calories. I told her I'd put her down for two of the sessions. Now as soon as she goes to sleep and drops that baseball bat I'm going to bed too. Catch ya later ...