Monday, April 27, 2009

The Swine Flu

All I heard on the news this weekend was a pig flu, a pig flu, a pig flu. I thought that was impossible, but you know what this means? My wife owes me some lovely favors. She always said .... When pigs fly ...

My brother Ken has a son, Travis, and his class was talking about this disease. The teacher was explaining the word "contagious" to the students, and after her lesson she asked the kids to use the word in a sentence. I guess the first one to go was her pet and he said "You can catch the swine flu because it is contagious."

She brags on him and asks someone else to try.

Next Travis' "girl friend" gets picked and she says "I caught chicken pox last year and couldn't go out to play because I was contagious."

Again the teacher brags on the kid and asks "Anyone else?"

So then Travis jumps up (and I can just hear his Tennessee drawl), "Our neighbor is paintin his house with a 2 inch brush, and my daddy says it will take the contagious."

Ken is picking Travis up after detention for the rest of the week.


  1. Gosh, if I hear one more goddamn thing about the swine flu, I'm gonna have to begin masturbating furiously. It's news hype, you fuckin' morons. Crank up the death toll and I might give a fraction of a tiny shit.

    Not much, really, but you'll take what I give you.

  2. That masturbation thing might be what saves you. I mean you have to avoid places where large crowds gather, like sporting events and Paris Hilton's vagina.

  3. He got detention for that? Dammit. All because ur neighbbor's gonna take ages to paint her house.

    :D Not exactly building up character, you know...

  4. Why R yu guyz talkin about masterbating?