Thursday, April 16, 2009

Meet The Neighbors

Ok, we've talked about Muslims and Christians, and soon we'll set the record straight about those lousy lying atheists, but today I want to introduce you to my new neighbors.

On the way across my neighbors back yard to greet the new arrivals, I spotted something I'd never seen before. Used teabags hanging on a clothesline. I thought they must be protesting the government's spending policies. I met the young couple at their door and they invited me in, and there, on the kitchen table was a fork in the sugar bowl. Thats Strange. It was a perfectly good house they had bought but on the first day they were installing double glazed windows they had bought on sale, in order they said “To keep the kids from hearing the ice cream trucks.”

It was then that I knew my new neighbors were Jewish. I don't keep up on events in the Middle East so I wasn't sure what we would talk about, and I blurted “Is there such a thing as a full blooded Jew?” Their jaws dropped and I knew I had better say something fast so I followed with “I ask because all the Jews I have met only claim to be Jew-ish.”

Luckily the husband had a sense of humor and knew I was feeling a little self conscious about now, so he said “Have you ever said something and immediately wished you could take it back?” Before I could respond he said “Like ... Yeah I'm a Jew. You skin heads want to do something about it?”

I knew right then we were going to get along just fine.

Their moving in reminds me of the ad I put in the paper last month for a new hire for my company. In order to cut down on the dead trees we use to print applications, and to save them gas and the trouble of driving across town, I stated that Muslims and Jews need not apply. Well the Jews couldn't care less, the Muslims thought it was no big deal, but the damned government has served me with a court summons for discrimination. I butcher pigs for goodness sake!

Well, I'll see you in court. Later ...


  1. there such a thing a full-blooded Jew?

  2. Your sense of humor is one of beauty and sarcasm. I believe I share it when I say, "You're quite the gentlemen!"

    Heh heh. Yeah. Good thing that Jewish neighbor didn't crack ya over the noggin' with that candle stick thingy they worship. Ooooops... just kidding, my Jewish friends.

  3. Arabs and Jews have more in common than they think.

    Like madness.

  4. You're going to be in lots of trouble when they find out you don't have the diverse group of employees that everyone has to have now. Good luck finding them before your court date. I might be able to pass for a Jew for you.

    This is my first visit to your blog. Love it! You're my kind of blog.

  5. The only good Jew is...

    making knishes. I know him personally. I call him once a week Hymie. His real name is Hyman, so I really could call him something to piss of his wife as well.

    You should meet my neighbor with the jet-powered funny car that he likes to test about supper time.

    So now that you're done with Christians, Muslims, and Jews, how about dealing with patriots? :-)

  6. I read a few of your post and will say that your a very clever writer enjoyed your mind and style :) LOL