Friday, December 26, 2008


Theresa asked me if I'd like to see her in something long and flowing this New Year's Eve.

I said, "The Mississippi would be nice."

I had to pay for being witty so we went shopping. As soon as we arrive at the mall my lovely wife gets her usual Auntie Anne's pretzel and I get my usual facial tic. I must have been quite a sight because some polite young children stopped to tell me to say no to drugs. I told them I didn't talk to drugs and that they should go see a shrink.

I found a mood ring on sale and bought it for Theresa. I was tired of her mood swings and wanted to monitor her mood for my own good. Before we left the mall I found out that when she is in a good mood the ring turns green. But when she is in a bad mood it leaves a huge painful red mark on my fuck!ng forehead.

I saw the police taking a statement from a dwarf that had gotten pick pocketed in one of the stores, and I am still asking myself, how could anyone stoop so low?

Anyway, this day is done but I will sleep well tonight knowing that I have done my part to prop up our failing economy. I'll catch you later ...

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