Sunday, February 28, 2010

Driving For Dollars

I think I've discovered a new money making scheme. Here is the plan: I'm going to get a 900 number, put a bumper sticker on my car that says 'Hows My Driving' along with that 900 number, and then I'll drive like a 99 year old blind, blond, Chinese woman, on her period.

That should bring in $4.99 per minute, and I'll be in front of them pissing them off more and more the whole time they are reporting me to me. Ah, free enterprise.

I was driving around the mall today looking for a space close to a door, when this little old lady pulled out of a space only three spots from the food court. I whipped into the space as quickly as I could and immediately I heard an angry beeping behind me.

A Mexican guy yelled out of his window “Hey yo can't take that space, I bean here nearly an hour.”

I got out, slammed my door and as I walked away I said “Well I've been here my whole damn life, so fuck off!”

On a brighter note I got my auto insurance reduced this week. I changed my occupation to pedophile. Apparently there is a discount for people who drive around slowly looking out for children. Yeah that's sick and twisted but maybe just a little bit funny?

Now a word of advice. If you are ever on a plane and find yourself next to someone who won't shut up just do this ... Open your laptop so that the offender can see the screen and type the following link. ... Shuts them up real quick every time!


  1. Yep, you're a sicko all right, but I can't help but love your driving for dollars idea. I wish I'd thought of it.

  2. I'll have to check out that site you're talking about. I hope it's not something I could get arrested for, though. :-)

    Yeah, you're a sick and twisted individual like me. I'm really glad you're posting pretty regularly again. You, like me, was absent from the blogworld for awhile there until recently.

    Ha ha. You really told that Mexican guy to fuck off? I'm surprised he didn't throw a big ol' burrito at you. Good idea about the bumper sticker, btw.

  3. Wow! You are crazy. Sounds like a good occupation, unless a cop is behind you...LOL

  4. You are fucking hilarious!

    I've been told on numerous occasions that I drive like a 99 year old, blind Chinese woman! So, let's save a step and you can stick your bumper sticker on MY car and I want 20% of the profit!!

    What do you think?