Coveting Eyeglasses

So I was talking to Joe today about those evil atheists and I pointed out that without religion there is no basis for moral behavior. He comes back with some silly remark about how you can just fell feel when something is wrong and you shouldn't do it.

I noticed a sign on the wall that said “Treat others the way you want to be treated.” I said life would be good if everyone would just do that, and then I pointed out to him that that was from the Bible. He said “No. It's in the Bible but someone had to think it first before they wrote it down, and it could have been a saying for centuries before the Bible was even written.

I agreed and said that if it was that important it probably would have been one of the commandments. Joe thought it was but I was sure it was not. He said but “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors wife" is. I pointed out to him that I didn't want to covet her, I just I want to fuck her. Hell I don't even own a covet.

Then Joe wanted to know what a covet was. Look for all I know its a cover for a Duvet. The conversation went down hill from there. I found out that Joe played sports in high school during that same visit though. He said his usual position was 'left out.' A while later Glenn joined us with his new eye glasses. He had just came from his ex-girlfriend's house and she told him they looked like birth control glasses. Nobody is going to lay him looking like that. All things considered it was a decent day. Looking forward to doing it again tomorrow.

Relationship Roundup

Joe didn't have his usual blind date last Friday. He had lined up a date with a deaf girl he met online. She didn't show though. She emailed him Saturday morning with some lame excuse about falling asleep and not hearing her alarm.

I'm a little bit worried about him. He's gotten so lonely he's shaved one leg just so it feels like he's in bed with a woman. I hope he meets a nice girl soon.

On the other hand Big Jim has met a girl. Because of her he had to go to the emergency room over the weekend to have his wedding ring cut off his penis. Unfortunately she found the ring in the pocket of his pants and used some olive oil to slip it onto his penis while he slept.

Now what do you think is worse?

1. Having your girlfriend find out you're married.
2. Trying to explain to your wife how your wedding ring got on your penis.
3. Finding out your wedding ring fits on your penis.

Enough about Big Jim. Glenn has made up with his significant other. She has a tattoo of a seashell on her inner thigh and Glenn swears that if you put your ear against it you can smell the ocean. He doesn't mind that though as long as she keeps giving him better and better blow jobs every week. She is trying to convince him to leave his wife. He's screwed when she finds out he isn't even married.

And finally Theresa is not talking to me. Its all because I didn't open the car door for her. But its really not my fault, I just panicked and swam for the surface. If our government had spent a little more money on our highways and on guard rails instead of grants to aid third world toad eating toenail biting single parents with adult lesbian children who smoke, this never would have happened. Thats all I have to say about that.

Now I have to go call in sick to work. I'll write more later ...

The Cliff

I don't want to mention any names (Glenn) but a friend of mine was very depressed recently. He had taken a big gamble and lost so his family was going to be kicked out of their house and onto the street the following day.

He was at a loss as to what to do and thought there was only one way out. He drove to the edge of a cliff and parked there. He rested his head on the steering wheel, tears pouring down his cheeks. His right foot on the brake was trembling as he inched closer to the edge of the cliff. Anxiously all the nice people there took up a collection and they rounded up enough money for him to pay his debt and keep his home ..... Good thing his bus was full that day!

Female Problems

My friend Glenn called and was a little bummed out about having another fight with his girlfriend. He kicked her out this time but I can understand why. I mean she is always going on and on about her female problems. So what if she has missed two fuck!ing periods. Big Deal. Get over it.

Glenn and I have decided to go protest down at the abortion clinic later tonight. And to show them we mean business we plan on taking eggs and throwing them at the building. We're really upset about all this taking life before it is even born.

I'm not in any hurry to go home after work cause I had a little fight with my lady too. All I said was "there are three things about you that I really can't stand."

She says "Oh no, what are they?"

I said "Your chin."