Coveting Eyeglasses

So I was talking to Joe today about those evil atheists and I pointed out that without religion there is no basis for moral behavior. He comes back with some silly remark about how you can just fell feel when something is wrong and you shouldn't do it.

I noticed a sign on the wall that said “Treat others the way you want to be treated.” I said life would be good if everyone would just do that, and then I pointed out to him that that was from the Bible. He said “No. It's in the Bible but someone had to think it first before they wrote it down, and it could have been a saying for centuries before the Bible was even written.

I agreed and said that if it was that important it probably would have been one of the commandments. Joe thought it was but I was sure it was not. He said but “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors wife" is. I pointed out to him that I didn't want to covet her, I just I want to fuck her. Hell I don't even own a covet.

Then Joe wanted to know what a covet was. Look for all I know its a cover for a Duvet. The conversation went down hill from there. I found out that Joe played sports in high school during that same visit though. He said his usual position was 'left out.' A while later Glenn joined us with his new eye glasses. He had just came from his ex-girlfriend's house and she told him they looked like birth control glasses. Nobody is going to lay him looking like that. All things considered it was a decent day. Looking forward to doing it again tomorrow.

Meet The Neighbors

Ok, we've talked about Muslims and Christians, and soon we'll set the record straight about those lousy lying atheists, but today I want to introduce you to my new neighbors.

On the way across my neighbors back yard to greet the new arrivals, I spotted something I'd never seen before. Used teabags hanging on a clothesline. I thought they must be protesting the government's spending policies. I met the young couple at their door and they invited me in, and there, on the kitchen table was a fork in the sugar bowl. Thats Strange. It was a perfectly good house they had bought but on the first day they were installing double glazed windows they had bought on sale, in order they said “To keep the kids from hearing the ice cream trucks.”

It was then that I knew my new neighbors were Jewish. I don't keep up on events in the Middle East so I wasn't sure what we would talk about, and I blurted “Is there such a thing as a full blooded Jew?” Their jaws dropped and I knew I had better say something fast so I followed with “I ask because all the Jews I have met only claim to be Jew-ish.”

Luckily the husband had a sense of humor and knew I was feeling a little self conscious about now, so he said “Have you ever said something and immediately wished you could take it back?” Before I could respond he said “Like ... Yeah I'm a Jew. You skin heads want to do something about it?”

I knew right then we were going to get along just fine.

Their moving in reminds me of the ad I put in the paper last month for a new hire for my company. In order to cut down on the dead trees we use to print applications, and to save them gas and the trouble of driving across town, I stated that Muslims and Jews need not apply. Well the Jews couldn't care less, the Muslims thought it was no big deal, but the damned government has served me with a court summons for discrimination. I butcher pigs for goodness sake!

Well, I'll see you in court. Later ...