KFC

Do you know of any other Country that has named a State after a bucket of chicken?

I was in a KFC the other day and I had to stand in line for quite a few minutes before having my order taken. When I finally got to the counter the young lady said to me: “Sorry about your wait”. Well I told her “You're not so skinny yourself Chunky!” Then I felt bad. I remembered that is politically un-correct to insult the waitstaff before you get your food.

But this girl was super sized. I only imagine that when she sits in the tub, the water in the toilet bowl rises. I have found an easy way to get a large woman to lose 30 pounds though. I drink a 12 pack of Budweiser. It can work in reverse too. When she drinks I grow hair.

My lack of locks was caused by sudden onset baldness. My wife read in some magazine that she would have more fun if she shaved her twat. I woke up the next morning with no hair. Seriously I only realized I was going bald when it kept taking longer and longer to wash my face.

Now before you disappear like my split ends ...

Why should you never have sex with a fat lady with AIDS?

What? You need a third reason?

I want to be a greeter

When I become financially independent or unemployed due to incompetence, I want to take a job for a day at Wal-Mart. As a greeter. I think I would be good at this because I would help people out as they came through the door.

For instance when an overweight person walked through the door I would say:

“We have dresses on sale in the extra extra large department, was you aware of that? There's a sale on fried chicken and Ho-Ho's too. And don't forget to pick up your free 3 liter bottle of diet coke when you buy a 12 pack of giant cinnamon rolls.”

Or:

“Hello friendly white trash family, welcome to Wal-mart. Two for one on wife beater t-shirts. Busch beer is on sale. Don't bother going down that aisle. Theres nothing there but toothpaste, shampoo, and soap. Nothing you're going to use.”

Or maybe I'll just lay on the beach. Probably live longer fighting sun cancer.

Housing

Now that Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae have been taken over by the US Government, and Uncle Sam is investing in all our banks and mortgage companies, doesn't that make the US one big housing project?

Next thing you know we'll all be sitting in front of the TV all day stuffing our faces and getting immensely fat.

Oh wait a minute...