The Swine Flu

All I heard on the news this weekend was a pig flu, a pig flu, a pig flu. I thought that was impossible, but you know what this means? My wife owes me some lovely favors. She always said .... When pigs fly ...

My brother Ken has a son, Travis, and his class was talking about this disease. The teacher was explaining the word "contagious" to the students, and after her lesson she asked the kids to use the word in a sentence. I guess the first one to go was her pet and he said "You can catch the swine flu because it is contagious."

She brags on him and asks someone else to try.

Next Travis' "girl friend" gets picked and she says "I caught chicken pox last year and couldn't go out to play because I was contagious."

Again the teacher brags on the kid and asks "Anyone else?"

So then Travis jumps up (and I can just hear his Tennessee drawl), "Our neighbor is paintin his house with a 2 inch brush, and my daddy says it will take the contagious."

Ken is picking Travis up after detention for the rest of the week.

Things I have Learned

Statistically, 20% of women find this blog offensive.
The other 80% are in the kitchen, where they should be!

6 out of 7 dwarfs are not Happy!
1 out of 3 Americans weigh as much as the other 2 put together.
9 out of 10 men prefer large breasts. The 10^th man prefers the 9 men.
9 out of 9 women are annoying when the speak.
3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the population.
4 out of 3 people prefer english to math.
9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.
1 out of 6 people have had sex at work. (shouldn't that should be 2 out of 12)

50% of people believe that sex is "the connecting of two people's souls through two people's bodies, as one." The other 50% are men.

It is said that the average male will have sex 2580 times during his life. Statistically, that means I am going to live until I'm 197. And finally, according to a recent survey by the Academy of Incomplete Research, nine out of ten